Monday, January 16, 2012

Babies Don't Keep

I can't believe it's been 11 days since I posted last. I've been wanting to post. There are so many ideas jumping around in my head. But I feel like every time I sit down to blog something gets in the way. It's been a challenging past couple of weeks. Really, ever since the holidays Micah's sleeping schedule has just been so off. Before all of the Christmas excitement he was sleeping through the night probably 3-4 nights a week. And when he did wake up it was briefly, took less than 5 minutes to get him back down. Now, we've been dealing with frequent wake ups and they have lasted as long as 3 hours. Even as an infant he didn't wake up that frequently or stay awake for that long. We often end up bringing him in bed with us, but then he wakes up too early and starts beating us up (he thinks it's all fun and games, but Mommy doesn't like a quick hand to the face when she's still sleeping!). So, we've been walking zombies in the Kolar household for a couple of weeks now. But we're trying to figure out the best way to get him back on track. We know we're dealing with a couple of issues, not just being "off." He's getting his two top teeth and he was on antibiotics around Christmas. Plus, he's been a little gassy when he wakes up so we think he might be hungry or have a little upset stomach. Anyway, we've got a plan and hopefully that will help get things back to normal. Momma needs some sleep before the new baby comes and we start this all over!

Two nights ago I was up walking around with Micah just thinking about how tired I was and I wasn't sure how much more of it I could take. Then, I was reminded of a poem I'd read online. The last line says, "So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep." It made me stop and think about this time I have with Micah. He has always allowed us to rock him to sleep, but during the day he's not much for cuddling. He'd rather be running around. Sure, he's affectionate and gives lots of hugs and kisses, but he won't let us just cuddle him for more than a minute. And I was just thinking about how when I thought about being a mother that's what I thought about: holding a baby close to me and just cuddling. Now that I am a mom I know there are so many more wonderful parts of motherhood, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the newborn cuddles. So, I stopped myself for a minute and just thanked God for the opportunity I had that night to hold Micah close to me. He wasn't wiggling around and trying to get out of my arms. He wasn't reaching up and putting his fingers in my mouth or throwing his pacifier on the floor. He wasn't crying. He was snuggled up close to me with his eyes close, falling asleep. It was obvious from the moment that I picked him up that he just wanted his momma to hold him. The way he snuggled in close to my body and closed his eyes. As tired and as frustrated as I was I know that I will never look back on that time with Micah and wish that I had just put him in his crib and let him cry. I will be thankful for those snuggles and that time with just him. So, I calmed down and just enjoyed the moment. Yeah, at 3 o'clock in the morning it seemed to last a lifetime, but in reality it was about 30 minutes. Thirty minutes that I got to spend holding my baby. What a joy. And I asked God to help me remember that feeling, especially the next night when I would start all over again. It's so easy to get frustrated and feel defeated because of the exhaustion, but I wanted to just enjoy the moment because I knew that it wouldn't last long.

No, Micah is still not back on a good sleep schedule, but when I hear him crying in the middle of the night now I try to remind myself that this, too, will pass. And it doesn't make it any easier, but it does make me appreciate my time with Micah more, even if it is in the middle of the night.

For those of you that want to read the poem, here it is:

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

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